Lately, I’ve been paying attention to the emotional responses certain words stir in me, especially when people speak in ways that feel more like self-promotion than celebration. I couldn’t quite name it at first, but I realized that when someone boasts, it lands in my spirit like the screech of nails on a chalkboard. It feels off, even harsh at times.

In contrast, when someone shares a win with humility—a quiet confidence rooted in gratitude—it’s beautiful. It’s something we can celebrate together. Humility is refreshing. Have you noticed how It draws you in, when you feel the frequency of humility? But the spirit of competition and comparison? That feels like a clanging cymbal—loud, attention-seeking, and hard to be near.

What concerns me even more is when church leaders begin to speak in ways that subtly—or not so subtly—set themselves apart as superior to others. I’ve noticed a growing tendency among some to describe their church as “the best in the city” or to make statements like, “Not at my church,” as if to imply a higher spiritual standard. They often highlight what other churches are supposedly lacking in their preaching or ministry while presenting their own as the model everyone should follow. While confidence in one’s calling is good, there’s a fine line between boldness and boastfulness. When the language elevates one ministry by diminishing others, it starts to sound less like Christ-centered conviction and more like a clanging cymbal—loud, annoying, and out of tune with the spirit of humility.

This got me thinking: what is it about comparison and boasting that unsettles us? Why does one kind of success story uplift while another feels alienating? In this blog, I want to explore the language of comparison, both in what we say and how we say it. We’ll look at the subtle phrases that carry the weight of pride, what Scripture and wisdom traditions have to say about this, and how we can reclaim a spirit of humility in a culture often driven by status. 

Culture—it shapes us more than we realize.
We live in a time where self-promotion has become the norm, especially in the world of social media. Boasting is no longer frowned upon; it’s celebrated. And yes, even we—God’s people—have gotten caught up in it. Somewhere along the way, we’ve drifted from the humility we’re called to walk in.

I’ve been quietly observing this in my own heart, asking the Lord to help me lay down pride before I enter a room, a conversation, or even post online. I’ve been intentionally taking a pause to check my motives—especially when I speak about the Church (sometimes, for too long). The Church, she’s not just an institution; she’s the Bride of Christ. And she’s taken more than her fair share of criticism, even from within.

I don’t want to add to that noise. I want to speak with love, not comparison. With honor, not critique. Because if she matters to Him, she must matter to me too.

In an effort to help others as I also help myself, I put together this list of example phrases and statements that sound boastful, competive or like comparison in disguise. My intention is to be salt on the earth. To gently redirect those who welcome redirection in the Kingdom of God. Let me know how this helps. Comment about how the spirit of comparison has affected you. share other words or phrases that sound bitter and not refreshing. 

Boastful / Competitive Phrases:

• “At least I’m not like…”
• “Unlike most people, I…”
• “I don’t know why others can’t just…”
• “Some of us are willing to do the hard work…”
• “I always go above and beyond.”
• “They try, but they just can’t keep up.”
• “I was the best in the room.”
• "not me!" or "not here"
• “You should try to be more like me.”
• “I’m (or We are) on another level.”
• “They wish they could do what I do.”

Subtle Comparison in Disguise:

• “I used to struggle, but now I’m doing way better than most.”
• “Not to brag, but I just…”
• “It’s funny how people think they’re doing something new when I’ve been doing this for years.”
• "I never do this or that ..." or "I always do this or that..."
• Absolutes are also divisive: "People always do this or that", or "they never..."
• "at other church's they don't do, preach, or teach what we do" (how do you know?) 
• “Everyone’s trying to copy what I started.”
• “I guess excellence just looks different on me.”

 Humble & Celebratory Language:

• “I’m really grateful for this opportunity.”
• “It’s been a journey, and I’m thankful for how far I’ve come.”
• “I couldn’t have done it without the support I’ve had.”
• “I’m still learning, but I’m proud of this progress.”
• “God really opened doors I didn’t expect.”
• “This is a win I’m celebrating, and I hope it encourages someone else.”

Biblical Reflections on Comparison and Boasting

Scripture speaks often and clearly about the dangers of pride and the beauty of humility.

Key Scriptures:

• 2 Corinthians 10:12 (NIV):

“We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise.”

• James 3:14–16 (NIV):

“But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such ‘wisdom’ does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic.”

• Proverbs 27:2 (NIV):

“Let someone else praise you, and not your own mouth; an outsider, and not your own lips.”

• Philippians 2:3–4 (NIV):

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves…”

• Galatians 6:4 (NLT):

“Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else.”

I felt led to write a poem about this, because it touches a tender place in many of us—including me. I know some may read it and jump to conclusions, thinking, “Well, maybe you’re the one who struggles with other people’s wins.” But that’s not where my heart is.

I don’t have an issue with people celebrating their lives—joy should be shared! What grieves me is when celebration becomes comparison, and when confidence crosses into boasting. That kind of language doesn’t flow from a heart rooted in love—it often springs from a well of bitter water, not sweet.

My prayer is that this blog would be a stream of sweet water. Life-giving. Gentle. Honest. And full of grace.

The Echo Words Leave 

Some words land softly—

like a gentle breeze through open windows,

or like a tall glass of water on a hot summer day.

Other words?

They clang.

Loud and bright and sharp,

like metal dropped in a quiet sanctuary.

I’ve felt the sting of comparison,

not always spoken,

but implied in tones that separate

rather than unite.

I’ve heard the boasting wrapped in God-talk,

the kind that says,

“We’re doing it right, But Others, not so much.”

“We are at another level.”

“I don’t know what others are hearing but We hear God!”

And I’ve wondered, is this what love sounds like?”

Sometimes, I’ve even caught myself

starting down that same road,

subtle tones of pride

in a sentence meant to inspire.

But humility…

Humility is different.

It celebrates without spotlight on the I-Ego,

highlights what God did without casting shadows on others,

rejoices without rivalry,

invites others to the table

without asking what they’ve brought.

I’m not writing this to correct anyone,

but to grow, and invite you

to become more careful with words,

more mindful of the echo they leave.

Because I want to be someone

whose influence is like water,

not like vinegar.

Someone whose stories lift

instead of tear down.

It’s time to lean into the Life-giving heart of God

and listen again,

for the Pure, gentle and still, small voice

that always speaks with Love, honesty, and grace.

May my words be the same. 

Brisy