Healing for the Called, the Conflicted, and the Quietly Crushed.

Have you ever felt bad for feeling bad?

That was me.

I spent a lot of time regretting my feelings, shoving them down into the depths of my belly to the point of even making myself sick with sorrow; feeling ashamed about very real struggles that come up in ministry. 

There are attacks that bring with them shame in the life of ministry leaders. It’s something that many in leadership quietly wrestle with, but few are willing to talk about it. If you struggle with regret, insecurity, jealousy/possesiveness and the fear of loss in ministry, you're not alone. 

The truth be told, it's almost a rite-of-passage, a test of some-kind but it can feel so shameful to feel this way. These kinds of internal battles—regret, insecurity, jealousy, fear—aren’t just emotional struggles; they’re heart tests. God often allows these moments to refine our character, reveal hidden motives, and remind us who the real source of our identity is. 

I am reminded of the life of Jospeh. Psalm 105:17-19 reminds us of God's intent with him: “He sent a man before them—Joseph… They bruised his feet with shackles… till what he foretold came to pass, till the word of the Lord proved him true.”

Joseph’s dreams were real, but he had to go through character tests before the dream came to pass.

Beloved if you are struggling with invasive thoughts, I'm here to talk about it and to remind  you that you’re not disqualified because of these struggles. You're human, and you’re a leader who cares deeply. That’s why this hits so hard. But I also want to remind you that God reveals what is in our hearts. If you are in the season of seeing into yourself, congratulations! God is near and He is ready to heal what the spirit is revealing. embrace it and allow GOd to do His mighty work. 

Let’s walk through this together—not with shame, but with grace. God doesn't expose these inner conflicts to condemn us. He reveals them so He can heal us.

So the very first thing we need to say is, "Thank you, God for seeing me and reminding me today, that this is a very real issue and that I am not alone in it." 

Friends, I am writting from a place of expeirence and not condemnation. The reality is that we all struggle with this and if we say we don't we are either very young in ministry and have not yet had to wrestle this spirit or you are hidding something. Seriously, the only way to overcome is to confess and be free. To repent and decide to keep exposing the lies of the enemy until you find yourself in the position to set others free from this.

Below are scriptures and spiritual truths that speak to regret, insecurity, jealousy, and fear of loss in ministry. I’ve paired each with encouragement and some reflection questions to help you pray through this time. 

1. When you’re battling regret: “I should be further along by now.”

Scripture:

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?” — Isaiah 43:18–19 (NIV)

Encouragement:
God is not stuck in your past. He doesn’t hold a measuring stick like man does. He is still writing your story and shaping you. Regret loses power when you trade “should have” for “God still can.”

Regret looks back. God’s calling moves us forward.

“Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal…”
— Philippians 3:13–14 (NIV)  

Reflection:
Can I release the narrative of what “should’ve happened” and trust God’s current and future move? If not, why? (dig deep to the root issues and begin to release that to the Lord) 

2. When insecurity creeps in: “I’m not enough.”

Scripture:

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”
— 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV)

Encouragement:
Your insecurity is not your identity. It’s an invitation for God to show off His power. He didn’t call you because you were flawless—He called you because He’s faithful.

You are handcrafted by God, and unique in everyway. He made you on purpose, for a purpose. A purpose that only you can fulfill exactly how God intended. 

“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” — Ephesians 2:10 (NIV)

Reflection:
What would it look like for me to show up in ministry with confidence in God’s sufficiency, not my own?

3. When jealousy or possessiveness rises: “This is mine...what if I lose it?”

Scripture:

“A person can receive only what is given them from heaven.” — John 3:27 (NIV)

Encouragement:
This was John the Baptist’s response when people told him Jesus’ ministry was growing. He wasn’t threatened—because he understood: God assigns influence. What’s yours is yours. What isn’t, isn’t meant to be. You don’t have to protect what God has planted. His seeds are His seeds for reaping. We are the planting of the Lord. 

“For by Him all things were created that are in heaven and that are on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or principalities or powers. All things were created through Him and for Him.” — Colossians 1:16 (NKJV)

Jealousy brings confusion. Trusting God brings clarity and peace.

“For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. But the wisdom from above is… peaceable, gentle, open to reason...”
— James 3:16–17 (ESV)

Reflection:
Can I trust God to protect and promote what He’s called me to, in His time and His way? 

4. When the fear of people leaving grips you: “What if they leave us?”

Scripture:

“The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” — Job 1:21 (ESV)

“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? … If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
— Galatians 1:10 (NIV)

Encouragement:
People may come and go—but God's call on your life remains. You are not responsible for keeping everyone. You are responsible for being obedient. The weight of a ministry is too heavy to carry alone—it has to rest on God’s shoulders.

You are called to plant and water—but growth and loyalty are in God’s hands.

“So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow.”
— 1 Corinthians 3:7 (NIV)

Reflection:
Am I placing too much weight on people’s loyalty and not enough on God’s sovereignty? (unpack that before the Lord, if I were stripped of everything, would Jesus be enough for me?) Speak to the Lord, He listens. 

5. When you feel ashamed for feeling all this: “I should be better than this.”

Scripture:

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”
— Romans 8:1 (ESV)

Encouragement:
God is not shocked or disgusted by your feelings—He’s near. There’s no shame in being vulnerable before God. Jesus felt emotions too. The shame you feel is a lie from the enemy to keep you silent, isolated, and locked up. But the truth sets free.

God is not ashamed of your struggle. He’s near to your wound, and He’s committed to your healing.

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
— Psalm 147:3 (NIV)

Reflection:
Can I choose confession over concealment, and grace over shame? 

Find 3 Scriptures in the Bible that speak about God's sufficiency and the power of His grace and pray through them. 

Prayer to Break Free from the Emotional Weight:

Father, I come before You raw and honest. You already see what’s going on inside of me. I confess my regrets, my insecurities, my jealous thoughts, and my fears about losing what You’ve entrusted to us. I don’t want to carry this anymore. I don’t want to lead from a place of fear or possessiveness. Remove from me the lenses of comparisson. Remove from me the language of fear. Set me free from the lie that I have to hold everything together. Help me trust You with my calling, my congregation, my heart, and my future. Heal the broken places in me. Help me remember to take every thought captive that doesn't sound like you or gives me peace. Examine me and root out what’s not of You. Give me a clean heart, God, and renew a right spirit within me. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Dear Ministry Leader, You don’t have to fight this battle alone, and you certainly don’t have to hide. What you are experiencing is the stuff of heroes! You are an overcomer. If you have confessed to these struggles, you are headed in the right direction and God isn’t done healing you. He’s just starting a deeper work. Your honesty is already a sign of that healing taking place. Keep going and shout about your victory when it's time to help the ones who will come after you. Becuase this ministry that is in your hands is not yours, it belongs to God. He raises leaders and equips them. You are being equipped to help the next generation of leaders. They need you to heal and overcome.  

Need someone to talk to? Let's talk. write to me at: brisy@TabletCreativeco.com